Dear God

So tonight the sermon at church was, "Where Were You?"

Indeed.

The question alone gave me goosebumps, tears that wouldn't be quelled and a quivering chin.

So many times I've wondered, where were You?

When the husband slapped D, where were You?

When I got that horrible phone call from her preschool to tell me that she had bruises shaped like hand prints on her face, where were You?

When I had to tell my boss why I needed to leave immediately, where were You?

When I drove to the preschool shaking and sobbing, where were You?

When she was lying in the office, vomiting and crying and shaking, where were You?

When I scooped her up in my arms and rocked her while the staff called the police, where were You?

When I called the husband to ask him why, where were You?

When he denied everything, where were You?

When I had to give interviews to the police and CPS, where were You?

When I had to hold D for evidence photos, where were You?

When she was sobbing behind the couch and refusing to answer questions, where were You?

When D and I lay in bed at night and held each other and cried, where were You?

When the husband was banned from the home by the police and I wanted to torture him, bloody him, tear him limb from limb, where were You?

When my sister asked for D back after I had raised her all those years, where were You?

While I asked myself how I had let this happen, where were You?

When I knew that I hadn't been able to protect my precious D, where were You?

God, where were You?













You held D when I couldn't.

When I could, You held us both.

You helped me make the twenty mile drive when I couldn't see through my tears.

You gave me strength to take care of H and A and to shield them from our reality.

You held my hand while I spoke to officers and caseworkers.

You gave me the words to say so they knew how badly I wished I had protected her.

You held me through my shock and despair.

You gave D peace and the incredible gift of forgiveness.

You gave me Your Word and showed me the truth of redemption and the healing of forgiveness.

You sat next to me at the trial and held me up while I spoke at the stand.

You sat with me through those long, lonely nights while the husband was banned from our home during court proceedings.

You comforted D while she cried at the window each time her daddy came to take A and H for a visit.

You were there while D discovered a faith that has brought her through each storm we've weathered.

You gave me the words to say to convince my sister that D would indeed be safe with me. Through any means necessary.













I don't understand Your ways. I don't understand why mental illness exists and why You allow children to be hurt by those that are meant to protect them. I don't understand so many things. But I know that I'm not alone. And that even in my deepest despair, You are there for me and You love me when I'm incapable of loving myself.

And for this I am eternally grateful.